Should I Stay or Should I Go

This winter, assuming that everything goes as planned, I will finally graduate from college.  A semester later than all of my friends, but I am so grateful that I am only a semester behind considering everything that has happened.  I plan on going into to social work, and to do so I need my Master’s degree.  The plan has been for the past few years that I will apply to a program relatively close so that I could live at home and commute, but the closer that reality comes the more I realize how dangerous living at home can be for me.  My mom, sister, and I do not get a long most days.  Now when I say don’t get along, I don’t just mean the occasional bickering.  No, I’m talking about full-out screaming and cursing back and forth from all parties involved.  It is an extremely volatile place at times,  and I have a tendency to internalize all of the tension and anger and turn it on myself.  However, the stress of living on my own with very little in the way of finances could prove to be more stressful than dealing with the chaos of my family.  I am also scared to move to a new city and not really know anyone.  Going to college all by myself was different because most people were in the same boat and meeting people in the dorms was easy, but I am afraid that if I move to a new city it will be hard to meet new people.  I frequently say to a lot of my friends/family members that I want to act like an adult and this would definitely be a way for me to do so, but I have to wonder, am I ready?  Am I recovered enough to live independently? Can I really afford it? On the other hand given the emotional instability, can I really afford not to?

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