These past few days my negative self talk has been rearing its ugly head. Ranging from my body, to my personality, to even my workouts, I have had a really hard time focusing on the positive and I am becoming very frustrated. It is especially annoying because I know that in reality things are no where close to the way I have been thinking of them lately. Thanks to a couple of recent doctors appointments, I know that I am in a good place physically and that my weight hasn’t fluctuated. My goal for the upcoming weeks is to really work on my self-doubt. I was so nervous last night before my date but I am happy to report that I had a really fun time! We got a long really well and the conversation flowed easily. Once we were together everything was fine, but I really wish I had more confidence in myself to make the rest of the day more bearable.
This self-doubt is even seeping into my workouts. Yesterday I was on my fun and all I kept thinking of was how bad my pace was and how I was lazy for waiting so long to go running and should have just gone when I first woke up in the morning when it was much cooler. My unhappiness with myself only grew when I took a couple of walking breaks during a part of my route I never needed to before. The funny thing about all of this is, when the run was all said and done with, I finished my 5 miles with one of my fastest times to date. Even with the couple walk breaks I managed to come in 2 minutes faster than I usually do. I need to work on my confidence and positive self talk while running for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, given my past exercise abuse I do not want it to turn into a painful chore again. My focus is no longer on weight loss but on overall health and the enjoyment that running brings me and that is where it needs to stay! Secondly, I have worked so hard to get back in touch with my body and if during a run my body says “stop” I need to recognize that it is a good thing to do so. Cutting my brain off from my body doesn’t do anyone any good and I need to keep reminding myself of that in a positive way.
I am going to start keeping a list of both positive and negative comments that I make about myself, and hopefully soon the good will start to outweight the bad!