Triggers

These past few days I’ve been working extra hard on my running because of Saturday.  The day is looming over my head and I am terrified that it will be the day that ruins everything.  On Saturday i am getting my wisdom teeth removed and I am honestly more scared about the after than the actual surgery.  I am scared that I will lose my ability to run in the few short days that it takes me to recover, but more so I am scared about what I can/cannot eat.  Knowing that my intake will be limited I went out on a limb and bought Ensure supplements to incorporate into my diet while I can’t eat “real’ food.  Even though I know it’s the responsible thing, and my parents/best friends completely support it, the idea of having Ensures in my house again completely freaks me out.  For so long they were such a staple in my diet and now they are synonymous with the hell I have gone through.  I went through drinking 4 a day plus full meals and snacks, that the idea of drinking them voluntarily just brings back bad memories.  Despite all this knowledge that they won’t be fun, but I bought them.  I know that I will be struggling the next few days and I need to make sure I am as prepared as possible.  It won’t be fun, but I can do this.  I have to.

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