Yesterday I woke for the first time all week without mouth pain being the first thing I was aware of. This break from the pain meant that I could probably resume running and training for my half marathon. The funny thing is, as much as I’ve been dying to go running again, I was really scared that I wouldn’t be able to do it. After a whole week with no exercise/minimum moving I was so nervous that all of my endurance would have disappeared and that the 3 miles I was once able to do with ease would be impossible. I was in such a good rhythm with my running before the surgery and I wasn’t sure how I would mentally be able to handle no running very well. Regardless of my fears and anxiety I set out bright and early on my favorite 3 mile course. And it sucked. The first 1/2 mile things were going well and my legs weren’t struggling but slowly I became more aware of the humidity and moving my legs just wasn’t as easy. Negative thoughts about my body and my abilities flooded into my mind the minute things got difficult. But I didn’t give into them. Instead I blasted my favorite pump up music and tried to counter act each negative thought with the more positive reality. I reminded myself that I just had surgery and should not expect to be at 100%. I also kept telling myself that every run is different and it took me time to build up my endurance the last time around and I can/will do it again. I stopped looking at the stopwatch on my Ipod and kept going as hard as I could, determined to push through til the end. When I finally got back home I looked at the time and it said 26 minutes. Around 3 minutes slower than my usual finishing time. Instead of being really upset about this, however, I looked at myself in the mirror, absolutely drenched with sweat, and told myself how awesome I was. Yes, I know talking to yourself in the mirror might be a little crazy/narcissistic but I really wanted to drive home the message that I should be proud of myself for just getting out there again despite the anxiety I had about my performance. Today I am going to try to tackle 4 miles and will continue to tell myself positive statements whenever my self-doubt shows its ugly little self.