I Can Feel the Pressure

…Paramore=total guilty pleasure. They are one of my favorite bands to run to and this line really sums up how I feel lately…

I can’t believe September is almost over.  As long as the days seem at times, it is crazy how fast the month has actually gone by.  That means there are only 16 days until my half marathon and only 3 more months til I am finally done with undergrad.  So this is when all the fun stuff begins.  GRE prep, grad school applications, and major school projects are all hitting me at once and it’s getting a bit overwhelming.  Beyond the actual amount of work, I am a crazy perfectionist and so if I don’t think I can do all of this “well” I put it off even longer  for fear of failure.  Everything then just ends up building up and I pull a lot of all nighters to get the work in on time.  Luckily, my grades haven’t been affected too much by this tactic but I do know it’s not the best way to go about things.

In training news, I am beginning to find my training schedule to be just as overwhelming as all my school work.   I feel pressured to stick to the training schedule regardless of whats going on in the rest of my life.  I’m afraid of not “training perfectly” and therefore if I miss a run or shave of mileage I won’t be prepared for my race.  I know that this is my first half marathon and that my goal should just be to finish, but I can’t get away from the fact that I know what my time should come out to and fear of not actually obtaining it.  Training for this race has been such a big part of my life for the past few months that I would be so bummed if it doesn’t actually turn out the way I practiced for.  All of this stress has definitely been impacting my mental state during my runs.  This morning I set out to do 6 miles (ended up with 7 because I messed up the course) and the whole time I kept thinking about my pace and how I can maintain it for the entire race.  I have been running without my Ipod/timer so I just I just look at the time before and after my run.  This has been great for my mood when I’m done running because I usually end up finishing in consistent/faster times, but during the run I have so much doubt about my pace.  Luckily I still enjoy my actual run I just get scared that I’m not doing it as well as I should.  I need to keep reminding myself that  I have put in a considerable amount of time into my training and that I am capable of completing my runs in a decent time.  And so what if I have a bad run?  It’s just one day and does not mean that everything I have worked towards is gone.  My 12 miler planned for Sat is going to be a test of my mental stamina just as much, if not more, than my physical abilities.  I know what I need to eat before my runs, have a few different gels/shot blocks to try out, and have a decent course mapped out.  I have all the physical resources in place and need to make sure my mental arsenal is just as well equipped.

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