So I realize that a lot of my most recent posts have been total downers. Yes, I am still pretty lonely a lot of the time, but I’m not going to dwell in it any longer. Whats more important, however, is that I am determined to do something about it. I am going to make the best of these next few months and really work on putting myself out there beyond my comfort zone.
Thursday night I was already for another night in by myself while my crazy roommates went out with all their friends, but instead of changing into my pjs, I asked one of my roommates if she would mind if I went out with them and she of course said they wouldn’t. I am very shy and self-conscious so it can be hard for me to put myself out there with a group of people I don’t really know… especially when all the girls are absolutely gorgeous! It was a little uncomfortable being with a large group of close friends, but I tried not to let that show and just have fun. Once we were out at the bars I spent talking to a few people I have had classes with in a bit and even ended up cute boy for a large portion of the night! It can be a bit awkward trying to explain to people what I’m still doing there at school but I’ve really been trying just to keep it as short and sweet as possible and usually just tell people “I loved our school too much to leave.” So even though I didn’t spend a lot of the night with my roommates I ended up having a really good time and was really proud of myself for being able to hold my own. After such a positive night out I really want to work on stopping the self-pity that I’ve been engaging in lately. It is not productive and things will never change if I don’t put myself out there and just try. I’m not promising rainbows and sunshine all the time, but I definitely want to recommit myself to focusing on the good things that are happening, instead of all the things that aren’t happening.
My Friday was low-key and therefore lonely, but I knew that’s the kind of night I needed in order to do my best in the Diane Geppi Aikens 5k I ran this morning. I had a relaxing night, a good nights sleep, and woke up determined to rock the 5k! As much as I love running it has been a really, really long time since I’ve run in an actual race. Today totally restored my racing spirit! I woke up around 6:30 and had my standard pre run meal: coffee, toast, pb, and some banana. Luckily this race is part of a fundraiser for my school and starts on my campus so I didn’t have to go to far to check in 🙂 When I got to the race there were already a lot of people there, but most of the people participating in the race were entered as sports teams and had plenty of people to talk with before the start of the race. I made my way over to the bleachers and was resolved to just sit by myself until it was time to line up, but luckily I was saved by one of the sweetest, most outgoing freshman girls I have met! She did what I am unable to do. She walked right up to me and asked if I was running alone as well and then proceeded to strike up a conversation. She was such a sweetheart and was totally helpful in calming my nerves.
After hanging out for a bit the announcers had all us move to the starting line and get ready. The race was a little disorganized and when the gun went off people were a bit slow to recognize the fact that the race had started. I had set myself up on the outer edge of the pack, sort of towards the front, but it did take a bit of time for me to officially start the race once the gun went off. Luckily it didn’t take too long for the pack to thin out and I was able to get into my stride. I was a bit nervous about how I to best pace myself during the race, however, since the second half of the race is almost entirely uphill. I wanted to go all out for the first half, but I knew that I had to hold back a little or I would completely burn out at the end. I hit the first mile mark at a little over 8 min and at that point I knew I could hold that pace for another mile and then push as hard as I could for that last mile/uphill climb. Towards the end of the course my legs were absolutely burning from the hills, but I tried to keep pushing as hard as I could and when I saw the finish line I sprinted as fast as I could just so it could all be over!
I don’t have my official time yet but I think I finished the race right around 25 min! It has been so long since I have run in a race that I am considering this a PR and couldn’t have been happier with my performance considering how tough the course was. Participating in this race has already made me feel 100x better about running the half marathon in October, and I’ve even been looking up additional races to complete afterwards!!! Looks like I’ve been bitten by the racing bug 🙂